In your effort to put her at ease and to encourage her to not waste too much time on the prelude, you might just put your foot in your mouth and
end up saying a lot of wrong things.
With every woman, you need to weigh each word before uttering them. This is so because behind that image of ‘femme fatale’, there might be a very sensible and smart woman which you never thought existed!
Here are some lines that you should never use in bed whether it is before, during or after the sexual act.
“Have you ever wondered how would you look like with silicones?” If you discover that her breasts are smaller than you thought they were, try and restrain yourself from making offensive comments. Push-up bras exist so what’s the problem anyway? Given the fact that the silicone fashion is ‘big’, women who choose not to have surgical interventions to look better feel they should be appreciated even more for the naturalness of their image.
“You are the most beautiful fatso I’ve ever seen” Never ever say anything about a woman’s girth. She is very conscious of it and is doing her damnest to get rid of all that cellulite, so any cute comments are really not appreciated. The image of the anorexic woman could be a good reason to invent the 11th commandment, so they become obsessively careful regarding their own image. Any negative hint from this point of view might cost you.
“New lingerie again?” Women spend a great amount of time shopping, so the last thing they need is for their choices in matters of clothing or lingerie to be criticized. Even though you probably don’t understand a thing from the fine embroidery covering their intimate areas, you should know they have a special meaning for your partner.
“Why don’t you watch porn?” Are you trying to tell her that she doesn’t know enough about giving you pleasure? Huh, when did you say that? Well, that’s the first thought that comes to a woman’s mind when you say something so insulting to her. Unlike men, a lot of women are repulsed at the idea of watching such productions to improve their performance in bed. Find out to what extent is she willing to watch porn before suggesting it.
“Next time colour your hair blonde” There you go again telling her to change herself. Why should she colour her hair blonde? So that you can have more fun fantasising? If you tell her this, she might say you are not pleased with her looks and she might feel hurt. It is as she was to tell you she’d rather you’d have more muscles.
“What’s that sound?” Even though your partner is going through some awkward moments because of some physical reactions she cannot control (excessive lubrication, vaginal sounds) try not to make her situation worse by being ironic and intolerant. Although you might find it funny, control your reactions until she feels ok and you can both laugh about it.

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Question: I am a 19-year-old boy studying in a professional college. Despite being good in studies, I suffer from an inferiority
complex about the size of my penis. My friends have often told me that the size of the penis is directly proportional to the amount of sexual pleasure given or obtained. They boast about their size and how it is a reflection of their masculinity. Is this correct? Can something be done to increase the size of one’s genitalia? - RK The older we grow, the greater becomes our wonder at how much ignorance one can contain without bursting one’s clothes. One never knew an ignorant person yet but was prejudiced, said good ol’ Twain. Men who feel that the size of their organ is inadequate, rejoice!! Here is news to take away your blues. Now you need not be afraid of going to a public urinal wary of prying glances. Now, you need not fantasise about the size of any Schwarznegger or Superman. The smaller organ has a much greater erectile capacity than the larger one. The size of the flaccid or erect penis has absolutely nothing to do with its pleasure-giving qualities. The vagina has a great deal of elasticity and it can adapt to any size of the male organ, be it large or small. And finally, if you think a man is a man cause he guzzles beer or was born with a larger-than-thine appendage, think again. Can’t you see, Sir, the sands of time are dribbling through the hourglass?! - Dr. Sanjay Chugh, psychiatrist |
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Question: I have been going out with my girlfriend for well over a year-and-a-half and we have been sexually very active as well. A
few weeks ago, she told me that she has been having her ex-boyfriend in her dreams. She tries to tell me they are nothing and I’m not asking for an analysis of her dreams from you. However, the fact is that they sort of worry me. Could it be that she is missing this person or would like to go back to him? He was and probably still is a good-for-nothing fellow. Should I worry about this or probe further into why these dreams are happening? - Pankaj Answer: Forget the probe. Whether we remember them or not, we all have dreams filled with an infinite number of people, places, things and situations where they all get mixed together. Logical connection can be made between some dreams and reality. Less certain hypotheses are also possible in other situations and with other dreams. But the bottom line is that the origins of most other dreams are indecipherable and inexplicable. In my professional and personal opinion, dreams certainly aren’t the best evidence of what’s going on while we’re awake. And I am sure that of the myriad dreams that you have had, you would have realised likewise. Since your girlfriend has told you that these dreams don’t mean anything, let us accept it for the moment. Focus instead on why the mention of this guy or these dreams with him in the star role has made you feel insecure in your relationship. Also, try and see what you can do about it. The two of you have been together for a while now, and it looks as though you’re able to discuss issues that come up in your life together, so why not expand this chat you’ve already started by working to get past your dream-inspired doubts? Do the two of you regularly talk about how you feel about each other? Do you value and compliment each other, and commit to doing your best to work out differences in trying to make your match a long-term one? Perhaps doing this before bedtime will make for more sweet dreams about each other. Finally, I would say it’s significant that your pal volunteered this info about the dreams. If she still has something going for him or if she had something to hide, she probably wouldn’t readily fill you in on his presence when she’s in dreamland. So, forget about dream analysis, concentrate instead on building your relationship by sharing your feelings, fears, concerns and dreams! |
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Question: I have heard that once a woman starts having sex regularly, she gains weight on her breasts and hips. Is this true? I am
getting married soon. Please advise. — XYZ
Answer: It is a very popular belief that women gain weight on their breasts and hips once they start making love. However, this is an absolute myth. There is no physiological reason why the breasts or hips should become enlarged or disfigured after a woman starts having sex. There is no way that ejaculated semen can get digested and assimilated in the bloodstream. And, in any case, 2–3 ml of semen (average ejaculation) contains only about 15 calories!
Some studies do suggest that people gain weight after marriage. But even these unconfirmed reports say that this is true for both women as well as men. And the weight gain has nothing to do with sex for either gender. It’s often the comfort of being in a relationship and the associated sense of security that make people gain weight. Studies also show that people in relationships are likely to eat more than single people. If you want to avoid gaining weight after marriage, exercise regularly and maintain a healthy diet.
— Dr Asha Jain, gynaecologist |
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Question: I am a 27-year-old male working in a multinational organisation. I have a girlfriend who works in a different branch of the
same office. I love her a lot and so does she. For me, this is the first time that I have entered into a serious relationship but she has had a bad affair earlier and I don’t think she has gotten over that guy till now. Every time I tell her that I love her, she starts crying and tells me that someday I’ll leave her for another girl just because it happened to her earlier. By nature I am very emotional and this kind of reply just kills me. I have tried several times to talk to her about her earlier relationship, but none of it seems to have helped. Can you suggest how I should handle her? - Anant Answer: Tears are the silent language of grief. Your girlfriend has what I could describe as a commitment phobia. After the trauma of the last relationship, she is being very cautious. Being close to someone emotionally and then getting dumped leaves one vulnerable. Through her actions and words, she is really expressing fear, anxiety, and insecurity. Since you can’t promise your girlfriend that you’ll never leave her as nobody knows what the future holds, there are some ways that you can try to reassure her that you are there with her, for her. It is imperative for you and your partner to talk openly about her past relationship as well as your feelings for each other. She needs to discover how your relationship is different, how you are different. Maybe, she needs to consult a counsellor to sort out her own mind, her feelings, and her emotional baggage that she is lugging around. But at the end of the day, I will say that there is only so much you can do for your girlfriend. Ultimately, no matter how sincerely and frequently you reassure her, she will still probably go on feeling insecure unless she deals with the origin of these feelings. |
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Question: I am a 42-year-old man, well educated and city bred. I have been married for two years. My wife is 21-years-old from a
small town and not well educated. As this was an arranged marriage between old family friends, I didn’t mind. My wife wants sex all the time, and at least 3-4 times daily, apart from the night. At times I have woken up from sleep to find her on top of me. She is not interested in working, either outside or inside the house. I have been managing the servants too. All day she is busy chatting with the neighbours and once when I overheard her, it was again all about sex. Is this normal behaviour? It is definitely not what I had expected. So much of over-indulgence only in sex may be okay now, but what will happen 5-10 years down the line if she has no other interests? - ABC Answer: I don’t think anyone has ever been able to quantify what a ‘normal’ sex drive is or what should be considered the normal frequency of lovemaking. So, probably anything goes, as long as it does not interfere with the rest of your life. In your particular case, the huge age gap is responsible to a large extent for the difference in perceptions regarding sex. And if you are managing to keep up the pace with your young wife, why then, you must surely be congratulated. Even though there is a part of you that is rationalising the entire thing. Obviously, the flesh is willing even though the spirit is not! Meanwhile, instead of condemning this attitude and behaviour of hers, it would be better to let her discover all the joys and pleasures of physical gratification. And like all other good things in life, this too just might be unable to sustain itself. Thereby putting to rest your fears and apprehensions regarding the future. As for finding her on top of you, I am sure that is a welcome deviation from the routine and often-drab missionary variety! No? |
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